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The new way of looking at horse racing

THE GURU ON SHATIN ON SUNDAY AND OTHER WTF VIEWS



TVN’s race caller extraordinaire Terry Bailey leaves me stone cold at the best of times and makes Hong Kong’s Brett Davies sound like Ian Craig, but he-and TVN- outdid himself yesterday during Victoria Derby Day- though the problem might have come from above- and I don’t mean the Big Guy in heaven- as one had to wonder if the horse in question- Howmuchdoyouloveme- should ever have been allowed to start. And that’s something Chief Steward Trevor Bailey will have to show “just cuase” as to why the hell it was allowed to take its place in the field following what was found in the stables before the race.


“Aw, fuck, another big problemo. What if Nikolic was riding it?”


First Bailey The Caller, possibly as confused as us who were on track and heard the rumours spread like a dose of crabs, announced before around race 4 that Howmuchdoyouloveme had been withdrawn from race 8, the third leg of the quaddie. And then, after betting for the quaddie had closed, Howmuchdoyouloveme, the race favourite, was back running again. Shoddy journalism or shoddy stewardship?

Possibly both and one has to wonder what more can go wrong with Oz racing, especially now that may newbie online bookies are tapping into cash-rich Asian punters who wouldn’t think twice about betting AUS$20,000 in a race in Orange. How will this change the betting landscape in Oz? How many new laws will come into play to stop this nonsense?


“And to think of all the shit I had to take!”

Time will tell, but it’s gonna get much worse before it gets better and with the overseas aspects of betting on racing in Oz is reined in and uses of technology WITHIN the offices of online betting sites don’t become racing’s equivalent of Wikileaks. And anyone who has invested in these sites recently and think that them suddenly crashing and databases being forwarded on etc was just one of those things, stop being dullards. Where there’s BIG money, there’s more than smoke so wake up and smell the fire. 


“Mama, ah ees confused, mama.”

Fortunately, the horse was a monumental flop after burning way too much petrol in the beginning of the race and fading out like a balloon pricked with a pump while Anthony Cummings’ Fontelina ridden by the very underrated Vlad Duric took the race out at 13s. 


As for Derby Day at Flemington, as I had thought, Its A Dundeel gave it its all but was a very tried horse and, I think, should never have taken its place in this race, was waaaaaaay under the odds and not exactly given a great ride by James McDonald whose “Golden Boy” tag in Oz is unraveling very quickly. As for Damien Oliver, he showed that champions rise to fight every other day despite all the triumphs and tragedies plus the controversies that have plagued his colourful career, by winning the 2012 Victoria Derby on the Anthony Cummings-trained Fiveandahalfstars. Michael Rodd came second on Super Cool and a very unlucky Michael Walker third on Rawnaq which really should have won this race. Walker deserved to win it and have his name on the record books.  


“Get Nash Rawiller in here.”

I doubt, Nash Rawiller, who was suspended for his ride in this race and very possibly deprived Rawnaq victory, will be receiving any Christmas cards from Walker. Oh, if we all could lip read what Walker said to the Gnasher. Still, what a brilliant Spring Carnival Anthony Cummings is having.  





Let’s just hope there’s no other movie about Ollie That last one was gawdawful and died a death at the boffo office. Ollie, please, for the sake of movie fans and your incredible story, no sequel.


After also coming second on Jolie Bay, Michael Rodd, Hong Kong’s one-time “Sunshine Jockey” and champion bloke probably said to himself, “Enough of these seconds” and killed off many quaddies by winning on 43 to 1 pop Appearance for trainer Guy Walter.



Another kinda appearance

As for the Mackinnon Stakes, Ocean Park, the red hot favourite, sunk almost without trace and the Hong Kong connections for the horse are said to have self-flagellated themselves for the loss despite having money to burn and enough money to actually buy the real Ocean Park. Still, burning money can become an expensive hobby.

The race itself went to that grand galloper Alcopop giving Craig Williams another Group winner though I wish the owners and trainer would have stuck with another very underrated jockey in Dom Tourneur who did nothing wrong on the horse when it came second to Dunaden in the Caulfield Cup. Tourneur deserved the chance and opportunity to get himself up there with the A Graders and where he belongs.


Away from Derby Day, there were certainly a few mighty well-cashed-up punters after Race 7 at Eagle Farm and where Audacious Spirit was being hailed winner three days before the race. The money had been on a day before and it came in truckloads to at least four bookmakers in different States so as to “spread the wealth around” and before any of it could be “diverted” onto any totes. The result: Ridden by Jeff Lloyd, below, it won like the good thing our mates at Racingb*tch predicted it would be. Don’t be surprised to see this horse being sold to Hong Kong or Singapore. This was a very key race in meeting this “objective.”  


And so ended another Victoria Derby Day for another year.


Looking at Hong Kong’s racing at Shatin, I don’t know why it is, but I get the willies running through my chilies when I see Dougie Whyte is on a Sean Woods runner.

This is why I have never followed him in any meeting where he’s been on Saddler’s Lodge whereas last week, i gave Radioamerreli a wide berth.

At least for me, it sends out a bad fung shui signal and how the day might be a pox for the Durban Turban. Someone call in an exorcist.


On Sunday, Whyte rides a first starter for Bob The Builder in race 10- Autumn Gold- and which means I won’t be following my man-crush though this German import could, say some, be a Derby contender. And with the jock not having a Derby ride, I can only guess, he’s giving this one a throw of the dice and see if it comes up trumps.

Personally, I like three other horses in front of this one: Bubble Chic- the dreaded Hall-Prebble McValue combo- John Moore’s Same World and, perhaps, Treasure Lands.


What more’s there to say other than perhaps, “Blinkers first time.”

Interesting and a little weird at first glance, the Durban Turban gets off the facile winner of its first start in Hong Kong at Happy Valley in Happy Era and jumps on Galaxy Prancer. But there’s more to this story: A man of his word, I hear that Whyte had committed to ride Galaxy Prancer before the nominations came out and found himself caught between a  rock and not such a Happy Era.


Dougie Whyte in a more Happy place and Happier Era.

Former arch rival and now bon ami Brett Prebble jumps on the John Size-trained galloper which really should have the measure of this lot if it brings its Happy Valley form to Shatin. Its danger: Aerosa with the Zac Attack up and who just might have a quieter day than usual. Might. But the way he’s riding, I’d be a fool to leave him out of my exotic bets which are a bit different to my erotic bets.


As mentioned, Prebble, who has a very good book of rides and looks like winning the Jockey Challenge, is more than capable of also riding the winner of the next race- Bubble Chic- for that notorious plunger David Hall. It has been working well and had BACK MEEEEE tattooed on its arse the last time it ran.


Having said this, if it starts at ridiculously short odds, be careful. It might be put away and brought back with someone like Ben So on it and with a late plunge shaking the foundations of the totalizator board until it cries, “Uncle.”


“Holy shit! There’s nothing like this in the States! It’s a tsunami of a plunge! Am scared, mama.”

The day’s grudge race is when Vital Flyer and martial arts actor Sammo Hung’s Amber Sky clash again over course and distance in Race 7. Hell, would anyone wish to lose on a horse owned by Sammo Hung, below? He could kill you with one glance at a hundred paces.


Less anyone forgets, when ridden by Dougie Whyte, Amber Sky was rolled as the season’s shortest price favourite of the season so far. This was when the horse’s former regular rider- Andreas Suborics- decided to pester Whyte and run Amber Sky into the ground.


On Sunday, Matthew Chadwick takes over from Whyte, rides the horse at 114 pounds but this is no two horse race, especially over the Shatin 1000 metres distance which can throw out some very odd results.


In my Six Ups, I would add Talley Close, Charles The Great, Bear Hero and for huge odds, Nordic One which has ten pound claimer Dicky “Louie” Lui aboard and who rode his first winner in Hong Kong last weekend. Let’s have a song for the Dickie Boy.



There are also two first-starters, I’ll definitely be following and, if they needs their runs tomorrow, will keep following them: These are the Caspar Fownes-trained Alexander The Great and the John Size first starter Turbo Jewellery, below and still asleep.


“This MUST be a dream. Where am I going to bloody early in the morning? And who’s this knob riding me?”

The “Jewellery” owner has not been having much luck recently with his “Jewellery” horses, but this one could be special. I would at least have a quinella-place bet on this one coupled with Young Talent, which is one of those Racing Club Syndicate horses where the Syndicate doesn’t win any prize money. I know:WTF and why bother? To feed the horse some carrots?


Finally, something that will have many in Oz wretching: Gerard Mosse could very well be in the mood to say, Merde and give some of his “goats” a winning chance instead of taking them via the cape and towards the closest McDonald’s across the border.


Gerard Mosse

Meanwhile, I leave you with this thought: If you were a brinjal would you see a light at the end of the tunnel?


The Guru


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