Nov 12, 20163 min read

THE THREE AMIGOS AND THEIR MEXICAN HAT DANCE TO WIN TODAY’S RIO GRANDE TRIPLE TRIO

While the world watches the messy tortilla following the result of the American Presidential Elections and The Three Amigos worry about how to scale The Wall if this becomes one bridge too far, the Twittero war between respected Australian racing journalisto Keith “The Godfather” Hillier and the HKJC’s Managerio of Racing Communicados, Patricio Cummings aka Mr Rudolph Valentino Bubbles, rages on like that lovely boy Ricardo Martin losing his la vida loca.

This episode of Duelling Al Martinos with its piercing Spanish Eyes is far more penetrating than the war between powerful local political columnist Michaelangelo Chugani and also Mr Rudolph Valentino Bubbles on the mozzarella subject of the proper use of the word “colony”. Cheesus. But soon, Mr Rudolph Valentino Bubbles, we hear, by the way, a fabulous tap dancer in his spare time, will have his loyal twitteraratti of young American “influencers” back in Hong Kong to tweet about the Hong Kong International Races, and there will, once again, be peace in the valley apart from the occasional Menudo-type squeal that the view from somewhere is, like, awesome.

As for the racing, mamma Mia, Happy Wednesday will probably be remembered by most as the 11/9 Donaldo meeting when America was Trumped and Yes We Can became No You Can’t.

To make matters worse, there was the horror fall in Race 6 that saw apprentice Jack Wong and Umberto Rispoli catapulted off their horses. It’s a minor miracle that Wong ended up with “only” a fractured ankle and Rispoli with excruciatingly painful swelling in his legs. If there was any good news to take back to Pancho Villa, it was seeing Douglas Whyte ride like a bandito possessed by the Cisco Kid, beat Joao Moreira to win the Jockey Challenge, and now remains tied with Nash Rawiller for the one available position to represent Hong Kong in the 2016 Longines Hong Kong International Jockeys Championship at Happy Valley on December 7. He’s a mean hombre when he’s hungry for winners.

Looking at today’s card, apart from the Chadwick-Moore combination saying, “Play it again, Sam”, and Mr Bogart taking out the Panasonic Cup, winners will be hard to find, punteros.

No such problem in finding whiners and wieners. They’re all around. But try we must to WEEEEEN, little taco bells as there’s something like a HK$17 million Triple Trio up for grabs and which must be attacked with the same ferocity that Caspar Fownes inhaled the sushi at Adrenaline on Wednesday. It was a sight to behold.

What do we think about the races today? Is the moon made of cheese? We’re lovers not fighters. We’re The Three Amigos in tights. We’re not professional tipsters like those hunky hombres on that programme which makes us giddy up with excitement- Racing To Win. Such zaniness! Such machismo! So many tips!

Do these tips from anyone get you anywhere? Maybe to the Rio Grande. But, hey, one number is as good as the next, and you’re probably better off picking your Uncle Frido’s lucky numbers and staying well away from following what everyone else is betting, little enchiladas. Go for the big hombres who everyone tells you can’t win. Remember they said the same thing about The Donaldo and his Wall. And look what happened.

Last week, our racing Taco Belles promised us that Size- horses trained by John Size- mattered, but we ended up suffering from embarrassing shrinkage when that Eastern Express got derailed. It was not a good look.

And though the señoritas we entertained in our Pancho Villa after the races tried their best to be Lady Marmalade, our castanets were making mewing sounds like lost pussies. We were like The Three Musketeers without their swords. We were more like The Three Degrees singing, “When Will I See You Again”. Who knows? We don’t know the way to San Jose.

After the day we had last Sunday, we looked worse than the owner of Love Shock, who was last seen looking like Whatever Happened To Baby Jane. In other words, not too good, little piña coladas.