(OR DID WE HAVE ANY?]
Apart from the shocker that was HP Space, we were talking about talk shows produced in Asia last night.
Well, mainly those produced in Singapore- and most are produced in Singapore.
How can we say this politely?
How about, Why the fuck are they so damn horrible?
Who Green Lights them?
And why?
Forget the Singlish accents that drive many mad.
Think or erase the lack of an iota of creativity.
Just wonder why something so seemingly simple has always come apart at the seams.
Remember a show hosted by some Smurf named May Lee?
The poor dear was trying to be some stunted version of Oprah and came up with a smorgasbord of “female” stuff and some of the boring guests- most from Singapore.
It was truly awful stuff.
But someone bought into it.
Why? It didn’t even last two seasons.
The show where Thailand’s Tata Young gyrated in front of a sofa while she sang some Dance fluff still haunts me.
A few years later came “Asia Uncut” and hosted by the ubiquitous Jon Niermann.
It was infinitely better than the show by Mama Smurf, but it was embarrassing.
Again, who Green lit this rubbish?
Perhaps, this was Niermann trying to add something else to his burgeoning CV.
And what a CV it is: the “quiet genius” behind the Hong Kong HarbourFest Fiasco and where Mike Rowse was left holding the bag.
The man who got his old mate from that fiasco- Jim Thompson from Crown Motors to sponsor his talk show along with the very company for which he worked Electronic Arts.
The mind boggles.
Despite promises that “Asia Uncut” would reappear – hopefully, circumcised – it never did.
Instead Niermann and his investor[s] hurtled along to launch Project Lotus.
The idea: To put together talent to find “Asia’s first all-female Pan Asian group”.
Many had tried- and failed with this idea before- including the quite mad and now very dead Malcolm McLaren.
Also dead on arrival was the group hatched from this hype- BLUSH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGADmnrLK8M
After 2-3 months of incredible hype and a song with Snoop Dogg- the Michael Caine of Hip Hop- it’s now so quiet out there,
And here is the problem: Why does Asia produce such crap?
Why are there such mediocre people running television channels- and in such a lazy, hazy manner?
What do they talk about at all these conferences that bring them all together?
Their new maids? Their new mistresses? Their new boat?
Have we returned to the Days of the Raj without even realizing it?
Imagine what E! might be like without just taking what’s been given and doing fuck all to make the channel Asia-relevant?
Then again, what type of experience does the person running this channel in Asia to have been given this job?
Is being an Aussie good enough?
Same with nearly every other television channel out there full of six-hour repeats.
They are bloody awful.
Why?
Could it be ‘cos of all those with fat expat packages and living Le Vida Laissez Faire in Singabore?
Does it rob people of any passion and make them all the Stepford Wives and the last of the Robot People?
Here’s my beef: Asia has MORE than enough to offer the West.
So why be toadies groveling after all these glib, fast-talking bullshit artists who end up in Asia as there is bugger all happening for them “back home”?
There’s an entire community of them in Shanghai and all with their own “heads and tales of glory” and that horrible knack to name-drop.
They’re all over China trying to get a foothold there and signing up the most awful talent and promising them “International success”.
Any idea how many women wanted to meet Wyclef Jean so he could make them a “star”?
Pity da fools.
Who can blame these people for flocking to China and other points East?
After all, has anyone looked at how economically fucked the States is today?
And most of Europe?
And how China owns and Occupies The World?
My problem is us gullible Asians letting these losers in- and being screwed over- time and time again.
They bring their baggage and manage to con some poor sod into thinking that they are/were big swinging dicks “back home.”
They walk the walk, they talk the talk and people think they can actually deliver.
And so, they end up being “entrepreneurs”, “producers” and, alas, running things like television channels.
Perhaps this is why is there no one capable of showcasing al the odds and sods of Asia?
Perhaps everyone working for these expats think that they need to produce programmes from an expat’s perception of Asia?
And, if so, this is where everything goes tits up.
Has Asian Pride been replaced by Take Us For A Ride?
And are we saying, screw us over again- please?
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