top of page

The new way of looking at horse racing

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT

* The races were last night. Happy Wednesday happened one night earlier and had nothing to do with a leap year or Bonnie Tyler singing A Total Eclipse Of The Heart


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 1

* Trainer David Ferraris aka Mr Grumpy will still be there posing for pictures after training two winners- almost double his haul for last season. At midnight, he will howl at the moon just for the hell of it.

* The geniuses from CSL will be there rehearsing new ways of ringing that CSL Million Challenge ding dong.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 3

* Wally Pyrah will be seen running around the track regaling members of the Racing Club with his stories while wearing very tight hot pants.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 4

* Karis Teetan and Douglas Whyte will be debating as to who REALLY won the Jockey Challenge.

“Teets” will accuse Whyte saying Amazingly which won the Hong Kong Country Club Cup should have been his ride. “Teets” will also demand that Whyte return  his “winning” cup.

The Racing To Win Goodfellas will moderate the mass debate.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 5

* Some racing tragics will be there pretending they don’t know the results from last night and “winning” tonight. Natalis Chan will be leading the cheering squad and posing for pictures.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 6

* A horror movie will be filmed featuring all those scary Smiley People from the Beer Garden with cheese boxes on their heads and walking like Frankenstein.

It’s actually a remake of The Night Of The Living Dead.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 7

* There will be thousands of tourists asking for directions to The Land Of The Happy Wednesdays.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 8

* Peter V’landys, chief architect of Racing NSW, will make a secret visit, look around and exclaim, “WOW, wish we had this kinda turnout on a weekend race meeting in Sydney!”


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO THE RACES TONIGHT 9

* Sean Woods will send a horse around so he can have a “winner.” Sean will ride the horse- most likely Autumn Gold though he might lose the ride to Dougie Whyte.

0 views0 comments

Comments


© 2021 FastTrack All Rights Reserved

bottom of page